Every Time
by MJLS
Summary: [Oneshot] The thoughts of Anakin and ObiWan after the duel of Mustafar. The thoughts of how they lost their brother, their friend. How they lost everything that day.R&R please


**Disclaimer : I don't own Star Wars**

**Every Time**

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Every time.

Every single time.

I told myself, it's for the best.

Every single time.

I told myself.

But every time I said those words to my myself, I wouldn't believe it. How can fighting your best friend, your brother, be for the best? How can walking away from him while he burns in the lava, be for the best.

I did what I had to do. But I didn't finish it. If I had, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be alive right now. If I had done what I had to do. Darth Vader wouldn't be here. But friends don't kill each other. They help each other.

Brothers help each other, they fight each other from occasion to occasion. But they don't kill each other. Anakin was like a brother to me, I couldn't kill him. I didn't. I may regret it now, but I know that Anakin is still in there. And that he wouldn't kill me to, not without a good reason.

I was there when she died. I was there when they were born. It should've been Anakin who stood by her side. Not me. It should've been him who told her to hold on, who told her it was going to be alright. It should've been him who told her not to give up. Not me. But he wasn't there. I was.

I was witness of the birth of two wonderful persons. I saw them being born. I held them. I looked at them. And I saw Anakin in them. In their eyes, in their toothless smiles. In every small feature of them, I saw Anakin.

And then I realized. What I had lost that day.

I had lost my brother.

My best friend.

The boy that I trained was claimed by the dark side.

The one thing he swore to destroy. The one thing I swore to destroy, is now the one I swore to protect.

I promised myself, I would protect Luke. I wouldn't let him follow the path his father took. I promised myself, I wouldn't let him fall. But the greatest promise I made to myself, was that I would see Anakin again.

Anakin. Not Darth Vader. I would see him. I promised myself that small thing. I would see him again.

My brother.

My best friend.

That was the only thing that I allowed myself to keep in mind. I watched over Luke. Every day, he looked more and more like Anakin. His bright blue eyes. His ability to fix things. His sandy blonde hair.

He was like a young Anakin. And I realized. I had a second chance.

I wouldn't let him fall into the traps of the dark side like Anakin.

A second chance.

Anakin could have too. But I knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon. I can still hear her voice inside my head.

_There . . . is good in him. I know there is ... still . . ._

A part of my mind wants to believe her words.

A part of my mind doesn't.

I don't know what to believe. My mind is torn. One side of my mind wants to believe that Anakin is still alive, in hiding for the Sith. Hiding in himself.

Another part of my mind wants to believe that Darth Vader has killed my brother.

**

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**

_I hate you!_

Every time I tell myself that.

I don't believe myself.

How could I hate the person who had looked after me for whole my life.

The person who trained me.

The person that was like a father to me.

He was like my brother, the family I never had. He trained me, he took care of me. We had a bond. A bond unbroken. But my mind was corrupted. I couldn't control my anger. I gave in. I took the easy way. I stopped believing in everything he ever taught me. I had forgotten every word.

_Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate.. hate leads to suffering._

_Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose._

How could I let go of Padmé, of my friends. I was afraid. I was afraid I would lose them all. So I turned to Palpatine. I believed his lies. His deceit. It was his plan all along. And I fell for it.

Look at me now. I am doomed to carry this suit for the rest of my life. All because I followed the dark side. I could've been happy, living on Naboo with my child and wife. I could've been a master on the council.

I could've been happy.

But now.

I'm miserable. I hate myself. I hate myself for falling in the trap. I hate myself for Mustafar. I hate myself for killing her. And not only her. But the life of our unborn child. I never saw it. I never felt it. I never met it.

It died before I could meet it. It died because of me. My child died with his mother, because of me.

I killed the woman I love because I couldn't control my power. Because I couldn't control my anger.

I don't have a second chance.

I don't deserve a second chance.

I'm doomed to wander in the darkness.

In the shadows.

In the grief and in the sorrow.

I'm doomed to be surrounded by anger, pity, fear, aggression. I'm filled with anger and hate. Hate towards myself. Anger towards the very thing I've become.

The dark side controls me. I can't stop it. I can't control it. I am a slave to the dark side, just like I was a slave when I was a young boy. I don't control myself.

No!

I do control myself.

I control my actions. Actions that lead to the death of thousands of people. Actions that put fear in people's minds.

I control myself.

But the dark side controls my mind.

The dark side controls the galaxy. And nothing can be done about it.

The light that once shined through the darkness. Disappeared.

The light has been extinguished.

And the great deal is,

That I caused it.

I killed the Jedi.

I curse myself every day for it.

I killed my wife.

I would kill myself every day for it.

_I hate you!_

It's not true, I don't hate you. I love you.

I love you like a brother.

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**R&R please**

_A/N : I hope you all like this one, my inspiration came when Star Wars Episode III played in the background, afterwards I just wrote it and hoped it would be alright. _


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